In the Nov. 5th edition of The Onion, their A.V. Club feature was pretty damn good. They went around and asked a bunch of people, “Who could you take in a fight?” Of course David Sedaris was the best one of them all, but here are my other two favorites:
David Sedaris - Humorist The Onion: Who could you take in a fight? David Sedaris: I bet I could take…I could take that kid who was in The Sixth Sense. What was his name? O: Haley Joel Osment. DS: Yeah. [Laughs] I could just beat the shit out of him
Trey Parker and Matt Stone - Creators of South Park The Onion: Who could you take in a fight? Trey Parker: I could take a lot of people. I could take Prince. He’s a little bitch, although he is God. I could definitely take anyone in this room. We just met a guy who does ad sales for Comedy Central, and we just got in a big fight with him. He was like, “Hey buddy!” and we wouldn’t even stand up - like, “Yeah, fuck you.” We were such dicks to him. It was pretty sweet. He’s a big guy, but he’d go down like a bitch for sure. O: Ad sales guys can fight. They have to get out among the people… TP: They’re used to yelling at people. Matt Stone: They can phone-fight. TP: Yeah, they can phone-fight. They can puss-fight, but a brick fight, uh uh. They ain’t winning a brick fight.
Rick James - Singer, songwriter, showman and producer The Onion: Who could you take in a fight? Rick James: [Laughs] I think I’d whoop Jermaine Jackson’s ass. And I think even with a sock, I could knock Eddie Murphy out. And Michael Jackson.
